Thirst

Tonight I’ll stare at the bottle until the sun comes up. I’ll remember your name. I’ll dazzle myself with the delusion that you are somehow watching over me. I’ll twirl a coin between my fingers and pretend it means something. I’ll pretend it’s made a difference. I will smell fire and miss it in the same breath. My skin will sear and I’ll let bitterness take over for at least tonight. I’ll sink into it like the mud I was born in and I’ll struggle to breathe once more. It will cradle me without judgement. I’ll let the tears fall if they wish. I’ll wonder if he’ll let me say goodbye before I burn. I’ll twist and toil with rage. At long last the sun will come up and I’ll lay in silence. I’ll embrace the smell of salt and exhaustion. With my final conscious thought I’ll sigh and say to myself tomorrow, tomorrow I’ll throw in the towel…I’m too tired tonight.