Dear Sister

May these words traverse the Iris

and find you in Oblivion.

I know you’re scared,

but I need you to wake up.

There’s to many of them.

I need your help.

I’m falling short.

They’re breaching the walls of Eden.

I need you to smell the smoke.

I need you to see the fire.

I need you to hear the screams.

I need you to hear the alarm.

It’s time.

The world needs us,

now more than ever.

It’s going to take all of us to turn them around.

I’m doing everything I can.

I need you to wake up!

Sober

My fingers will dig into flesh,

I’ll scream peeling away the rage,

blood will pour out,

staining the carpet.

The cracks will reopen,

my chest will feel cold.

Fury will be my companion,

reeking havoc on those I Love.

Muscles will tighten in the cold,

I’ll rip them from bone,

Every nerve will die.

I’ll walk out in the sun a bag of bones,

cold and long since dead, for them.

In spite of you,

I will Love them.

Tomorrow’s Deep End

I know it’s coming,

It does every year.

No matter how much good

you throw at me,

I will never forget

what you’ve taken.

Save your platitudes,

they only serve as insults.

The Dreams,

The Gifts,

The Storms,

The Kulning,

…The Rage,

…The Numbing,

As if it’s some scale for you to balance.

I hope you fucking choke on them.

Dear Diary

For just today—can you go fuck yourself.

I’m just not in the mood

for the incessant ramblings of a mad man.

The dragon sleeps,

leave it be.

The Poet

How lucky you are to Love so bravely.

Rest

There comes a time when the caffeine maxes out, when the body refuses to take more. A time when the burn of cigarette smoke feels more masturbatory than soothing. A time when thoughts rip wildly from one corner of the mind to the next. When the weed only creates panic, and the music shoves you instead of hugging you. A time when every time you try to think, it’s always about her, and the feeling that the world is ending right in front of you..and there’s nothing you can do about it. You’re not sick, you’re just awake. If I could I would take the burden from you, but I can’t. So rest, rest deeply, as much as you can. Save your strength, because there’s more to come—but don’t worry about that right now. For now, just rest.

“God damn you, I Said Create!”

The walls are closing in. The night is quiet. All I can hear is that god damned voice. “Just put it on the fucking page!”

Roses

Tonight, I remember you and sit in the scent of roses, wishing you were still here. Even in death, I feel the cold against my shoulder, and I know you’re here. I don’t know if that’s enough, not really anyway, but I lie and tell myself it is because it has to be.

Gifts

Love is receiving heartbreak in a gift wrapped box, with open date you can’t see, and it’s the single most precious thing you will ever be given in this lifetime. Keep it, for as long as you can…trust me.

Children

You executed their fathers, leaving them in the mud. You raped and murdered their mothers. You destroyed their homes. You left them starving in the streets. You killed the people who rushed to their rescue. You exploited their suffering in the name of security, nationalism, and ‘justice’. You weaponized their love for each other. You killed the people who tried to tell their story. You have forfeited the right to forgiveness. Should they forgive you, it is a reflection of their divinity—not yours—but you have lost the right to ask for it. Your soul has been scorched.

Eternity

You’ll find it, and then you’ll lose it. So, don’t worry about it. Sure fighting to hang onto it is pretty normal. But you will lose. It’s the fight that you’re not meant to win. You’ll get angry…then depressed. Sooner or later you’ll begin to understand. Eventually you’ll light a cigarette and take a deep breath. You’ll breathe smoke and be happy again. You’ll delight in the little moments that remind you that none of this is forever. You won’t remember but you will understand that this is just a play, and nothing matters. Trust me—that’s worth so much more.

Shit

Shit…I’m desperate for more adventure. The last time, I ended up in bed with the military industrial complex and mil tech companies. I don’t like where this feeling is going.

The Trainman

When my ticket finally arrives, let’s not delay. Give me a quiet seat in the back with a window. Ask the bar keep for a stiff whiskey with some branch water. Then, leave me in peace to watch the window, and remember her. This dreadful place can keep the rest.

Paradise

If this is paradise,

then let my blood,

and consider,

my pound of flesh paid.

Suspicious Little Creature

I don’t trust you, joy.
She arrives glowing—
cracking beautiful things.
A vain little creature,
in a porcelain mask.

Joy is sugar on the rim
a glass full of poison.
Always sweet—
till something breaks.
Left costly choking.

Let me vanish into shadow.
Leave me be.
Let me make something that’s mine,
where none can see,
and with mud of earth in my pores.

I don’t want joy—
just meaning.
Let its weight lay honest.
I"d rather feel the culling of truth,
then fall to its dulling.

Don’t trust those who smile too widely—
Their light is borrowed,
and reclaimed just the same.
There’s always something hiding
in a face never wavering.

Losing Real

For those who have found the real

screwed it up and lost it.

My heart aches for you,

not because of the loss,

terrible as it may be.

There is still beauty in the loss.

I mourn not for your melancholy.

There is grace in your longing.

I mourn for you.

For your moving forward.

Even if you find it again,

you’ll never trust it.

Even if Heaven silver platters it

You will question Heaven’s motive.

You should question Heaven’s motive.

You see?

I mourn your loss of the real.

Know that,

even this loss,

is a liberation.

This is—freedom.

This is—true choice.

Resist

I would urge peace,

Remember that for every violent choice,

a hundred peaceful options are presented

beforehand.

However, I understand.

I understand that blood boils at the sight of a fellow human’s suffering.

I understand that when a boot is on your throat that you are left with no other choice.

So if you must hoist that black flag,

then begin with the table,

then follow with lashings.

Remember,

that water neutralizes gas,

that equal parts blackened oil and coarse

sand neutralizes windows of all types,

that disorientation is a powerful tool,

that it might go wrong and if it does—shut up.

But please, don’t—if it is possible, always

choose peace.

Uniforms

I’ve never been so relieved to not be wearing a uniform.

Religion

Tell me…why should I amalgamate anything created by devils as a part of self?

Thirst

Tonight I’ll stare at the bottle until the sun comes up. I’ll remember your name. I’ll dazzle myself with the delusion that you are somehow watching over me. I’ll twirl a coin between my fingers and pretend it means something. I’ll pretend it’s made a difference. I will smell fire and miss it in the same breath. My skin will sear and I’ll let bitterness take over for at least tonight. I’ll sink into it like the mud I was born in and I’ll struggle to breathe once more. It will cradle me without judgement. I’ll let the tears fall if they wish. I’ll wonder if he’ll let me say goodbye before I burn. I’ll twist and toil with rage. At long last the sun will come up and I’ll lay in silence. I’ll embrace the smell of salt and exhaustion. With my final conscious thought I’ll sigh and say to myself tomorrow, tomorrow I’ll throw in the towel…I’m too tired tonight.